A Brilliant Diet Idea!!!

I’m into the 10th day of Lent and I’m still 100% compliant with the Whole30. Well, mine is technically “the Whole40” for the forty days of Lent. Check that. It’s actually the Whole46 because I’m going right through to Easter Sunday. Not taking Sundays off. Not ending on Holy Thursday. Yup. Going right through until Easter Sunday.

I’m super Catholic.  What’s that? Yes. Lent started on February 14th and Easter Saturday marks 46 days. Betcha didn’t know that.

Anyway, the whole point is, I’m awesome.

Eating healthy and Whole30 is rewarding and I feel great and blah, blah, blah, whatever, but it sucks. It sucks because I love chocolate chip cookies, Hungry Howie’s pizza, and a thick, doughy, salt bagel with way-too-much cream cheese. Oh, and I love a bourbon drink on a Friday and Saturday night. None of that works on the Whole30.

The Chew-Only Diet

Like a man crawling thirstily through the desert and seeing an oasis, this lack of junk food has me seeing mirages and so I invented the Chew-Only diet.  I keep thinking, ya know, I don’t really need that doughy salt bagel, but if I could just taste it. Oh. My. Goodness. It would be soooooo good. So how about this? I chew it, but don’t swallow?

Hence, my chew-only diet. On the chew-only diet, I can taste anything I want, then just spit in into a Chew-Only Branded spit bucket.

mouth-digestion-2Disgusting? Is it? Reckless? Like, you’re thinking it’s almost like I’m mocking bulimia. OK. I can see I’m bordering on insensitive, but this is different. Before I Chew-Only my favorite meal, I’ll eat my celery and almond butter, some fruit, and maybe a piece of lean chicken and then I’ll grab a piece of banana bread, smother it in butter, chew it, and spit it out. I’ll scoop a big bowl of ice cream. Spoon big spoonfulls into my mouth. Slosh it around. Then spit it out.

Aside from the disgusting chewed food I’ll carry around in a bucket, a bucket I’ll need to hose out and push the chewed food into the garbage disposal, this is the best idea I’ve ever had.

I’ll open a Chew-Only cafe for accepting and like-minded Chew-Only foodies.

“But, Don,” you say, “what if you actually swallow?”  Well, yes, some very small bits of unhealthy food will remain in your mouth and will be swallowed, but only a small bit of food-flavored saliva, and not all those calories and artery-clogging goodies will get into your stomach.

I’ve read that our eating is motivated by cravings. The happiness and joy only happen when my Big Mac and fries are on my taste buds, but everything afterward (an overly full belly, labored breathing, greasy face, regret, sometimes an upset stomach) is crappy.

I could never actually do this inside a McDonald’s (unless they open a chew-only section like restaurants used to have smoking sections) but I know, in my heart, I would be so happy.

Look for my book before the holidays and I’ll tell you when Dr. Oz books me.

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What I’m Eating: Stress-Free Stuff

productimagemagnesiumlthreonateface300x500_300xIn 2018, I’m going to make money from my Blog. Yep. It’s gonna happen. And it’s gonna happen without me becoming a video-game review guy, or by Blogging about random stuff.  I’m going to make it a Dad Diary (which I’m surprised isn’t really out there) all about the stuff middle-aged father-dudes care about.

big thing I’m into, as I approach my 45th birthday, is reducing stress and improving sleep. Less stress and adequate sleep is the key to longevity and daily sanity.

So here’s what I’m doing:

  • Magnesium L-Threanate (two good articles here and here) supplement – there are many Magnesium supplements but this one is, “is heavily linked to improved learning and memory. “
  • Leafy spinach in a smoothie (my recipe is below) because it’s a natural source of Magnesium
  • Daily Fish Oil Supplement (for my Omega 3s) from Trader Joe’s
  • Half a Trader Joe’s Men’s Multi-Vite (why “half”? Because I eat good food and take a scoop of Green Vibrance daily; the multi-vitamin will give me the Vitamin C & E that are so important)
  • Almond Butter with celery and dark chocolate chips as a night time snack

71xqy3bti0l-_sx522_Don’s Dad Diary Calming Smoothie Recipe:

  • 1 cup chocolate almond milk
  • 1/2 cup slivered almonds
  • 1/2 cup (or a good handful) of leafy spinach
  • 1 banana
  • 2 Tbl Spoons Almond Butter
  • 1/2 cup ice

Mix it all together in a Vitamix (or do your best with your blender …but seriously …invest in your sanity and get a Vitamix …a Vitamix is basically a garbage disposal on your counter-top …there’s nothing it can’t chew up and make into a smoothie).

Just gotta ad exercise and I think I’m adding years to my life.