Finally. I’ve challenged myself a few times in my life, but this is something I’ve feared and procrastinated about for years. My procrastination might be going on a decade. In previous posts I’ve mentioned I want to take all the eulogies, wedding toasts, and speeches I’ve given, compile them into a book, and leave it as an heirloom for my kids. Maybe some cousins will enjoy the collection. Maybe a few friends might like it. But my nagging self-doubt says they will all humor me, say they like my stories and speeches and tell me how glad they are I did this, but the minute I’m out of earshot they’ll say, “Don is nuts. Why does he think we care about any of this?”
Is it this difficult for everyone? Yes. I’ve been asked dozens of times to write and deliver eulogies, but I tell myself they’re only asking because they think I’ll have my feelings hurt if I wasn’t asked. Yes. People thank me after each eulogy for being able to take the stories and memories and tell a story they wish they could. But I think everyone who’s ever given a eulogy gets told these same things.
However, reader and friend N.G., and my biggest critic (and biggest cheerleader and supporter) K.K., both told me to stop over-thinking and just do it.
This is me just doing it. I’m going to list my self-criticism and then, below that, is the eulogy …15 years later.
- It’s WAY TOO LONG (nobody is going to sit through a 10 1/2 minute video)
- The lighting is bad and the audio has an echo. Maybe I should re-shoot it. As if 10 1/2 minutes aren’t bad enough, my face is in a shadow
- I should’ve re-written it entirely to make it present-day. As I recorded it, I messed up tenses and flubbed lines. Nope. I definitely will delete this and re-record it and will only post it when everything is perfect. Ugh. I’m back up to 160 pounds. I look fat on camera. I’ll get back to 150 pounds, re-shoot this, and then post it.
- It’s SOOOOOOO self-serving and egomaniacal. Nobody else does this with their eulogies and wedding toasts. I’m sure many people have given great eulogies and they don’t post ’em online. Who the hell do I think I am?
Thank you to the dozens of you who check-in to my Blog every now and then and if you’re a family member, I hope you were able to smile remembering my Grandpa.